Cedar Lee August 20th, 2010
So, I’ve been feeling kind of down lately because of decreased productivity. At my current rate of painting I’m on track to finish only about 30 paintings in 2010, maybe 40 if I do more small ones instead of large ones. (2008 was a hopping year for me–I made more than 70 that year!)
I understand that expectations need to be adjusted during the first years of your child’s life, especially if you’re the mother, and you’re breastfeeding. But it’s disappointing to me nonetheless that despite my best efforts, I still seem to be struggling to squeeze enough hours out of each day to do everything I need to. I won’t bore you with the full list, but in addition to the baby, I have a marriage, 3 pets, a house and all the things houses come with that are constantly breaking, a yard, bills to pay, and high standards for my health and fitness. I attempt to have some spiritual contemplation, and some friends and leisure time too. And that’s just my personal life! If you can really separate my work life from my personal life, which is hard to do when your studio is attached to your home, my work life includes thinking up and creating paintings, writing about my art, maintaining my website, sending or delivering my art to galleries and occasional juried shows, networking online and in person, meeting with collectors and potential collectors, packing/shipping/cataloging/photographing artwork, marketing constantly to ensure enough sales so that I have some income, and so on. You get it. At times, I feel completely overwhelmed and don’t know what to do!
I realize I am being a big fat whiner right now, but bear with me for the moment. Tomorrow I’ll suck it up and get back to business as usual.
So I sent a note to the very famous Robert Genn of the Painter’s Keys, seeing what he had to say about the whole thing. To my delight, he actually responded by writing one of his twice-weekly-letters in response!
Unfortunately, he didn’t quite answer my questions and didn’t seem to understand what I’m going through, like, AT ALL. He clearly doesn’t understand the commitment a woman makes when she decides to be there all the time, every day–24/7/365! Or the exhaustion of having your sleep frequently interrupted every night for nearly a year, and what that does to a person. Or that yes, babies sometimes take a nap, but the rest of the time they need constant supervision, and by constant I mean you literally can’t look away for 2 minutes without worrying what they’re putting in their mouth, smearing all over the floor, or trying to climb onto.
Robert Genn is a man, he’s in his 70s I think, and this is just a wild guess but I don’t think he’s ever been anywhere close to being in my current shoes. To be fair, he did warn me before posting his response that he didn’t consider himself qualified to respond. He’s a nice guy and having read his letters for years, I like him a lot. However, the encouragement and advice I was seeking came not from him** but from the many people who added their comments underneath the letter he posted, and from the dozens of private emails I got in my inbox this morning from kind people all around the world, mostly but not all professional artists/mothers themselves. I was blown away!
You can read Robert Genn’s letter and the comments on it (and comment yourself if you like) here: http://clicks.robertgenn.com/motherhood.php
I was in a deep funk when I wrote to Robert. Today I’m feeling much better, knowing that I’m not as alone as I was feeling before, and I’m beginning to get a fresh outlook.
I’m definitely going to work on creating a playroom in my studio in the hopes of keeping my baby distracted for longer periods of time. I’m definitely going to start hiring babysitters to squeeze in a few more hours of work every week. Perhaps my husband (he’s fantastic, by the way) and I can be more strict or more inventive with the way we collectively manage our time. Soon enough my baby will sleep for 4+ hours at a time again, as he did for awhile–it was glorious–when he was 4-6 months old, and when that time comes I will feel more sane. And maybe if I only make 30 paintings this year, since I’ve sold some of them already, if I make sure to stay on good terms with my galleries through good communication, it’ll be okay.
Sincere thanks to the many sweet people who have written to me! I haven’t read through all the messages yet but I intend to ponder all your generously given advice and to use your encouraging words to help lift my spirits.
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Oh, and here’s a quick web-cam shot of what’s going on today in my studio! I’ve just started a 30″ x 30″ sunflower. I wish sunflowers were that large in real life.
**Edited to add: Robert’s advice about the super-manic-power-hour was excellent, I’ll give him that! Indeed it’s been the only thing that’s worked for me so far!
