Cedar Lee August 20th, 2010

So, I’ve been feeling kind of down lately because of decreased productivity.  At my current rate of painting I’m on track to finish only about 30 paintings in 2010, maybe 40 if I do more small ones instead of large ones.  (2008 was a hopping year for me–I made more than 70 that year!)

I understand that expectations need to be adjusted during the first years of your child’s life, especially if you’re the mother, and you’re breastfeeding.  But it’s disappointing to me nonetheless that despite my best efforts, I still seem to be struggling to squeeze enough hours out of each day to do everything I need to.  I won’t bore you with the full list, but in addition to the baby, I have a marriage, 3 pets, a house and all the things houses come with that are constantly breaking, a yard, bills to pay, and high standards for my health and fitness.  I attempt to have some spiritual contemplation, and some friends and leisure time too.   And that’s just my personal life!  If you can really separate my work life from my personal life, which is hard to do when your studio is attached to your home, my work life includes thinking up and creating paintings, writing about my art, maintaining my website, sending or delivering my art to galleries and occasional juried shows, networking online and in person, meeting with collectors and potential collectors, packing/shipping/cataloging/photographing artwork, marketing constantly to ensure enough sales so that I have some income, and so on.  You get it.  At times, I feel completely overwhelmed and don’t know what to do!

I realize I am being a big fat whiner right now, but bear with me for the moment.  Tomorrow I’ll suck it up and get back to business as usual.

So I sent a note to the very famous Robert Genn of the Painter’s Keys, seeing what he had to say about the whole thing.  To my delight, he actually responded by writing one of his twice-weekly-letters in response!

Unfortunately, he didn’t quite answer my questions and didn’t seem to understand what I’m going through, like, AT ALL.  He clearly doesn’t understand the commitment a woman makes when she decides to be there all the time, every day–24/7/365!  Or the exhaustion of having your sleep frequently interrupted every night for nearly a year, and what that does to a person.  Or that yes, babies sometimes take a nap, but the rest of the time they need constant supervision, and by constant I mean you literally can’t look away for 2 minutes without worrying what they’re putting in their mouth, smearing all over the floor, or trying to climb onto.

Robert Genn is a man, he’s in his 70s I think, and this is just a wild guess but I don’t think he’s ever been anywhere close to being in my current shoes.  To be fair, he did warn me before posting his response that he didn’t consider himself qualified to respond.  He’s a nice guy and having read his letters for years, I like him a lot.  However, the encouragement and advice I was seeking came not from him** but from the many people who added their comments underneath the letter he posted, and from the dozens of private emails I got in my inbox this morning from kind people all around the world, mostly but not all professional artists/mothers themselves.  I was blown away!

You can read Robert Genn’s letter and the comments on it (and comment yourself if you like) here: http://clicks.robertgenn.com/motherhood.php

I was in a deep funk when I wrote to Robert.  Today I’m feeling much better, knowing that I’m not as alone as I was feeling before, and I’m beginning to get a fresh outlook.

I’m definitely going to work on creating a playroom in my studio in the hopes of keeping my baby distracted for longer periods of time.  I’m definitely going to start hiring babysitters to squeeze in a few more hours of work every week.  Perhaps my husband (he’s fantastic, by the way) and I can be more strict or more inventive with the way we collectively manage our time.  Soon enough my baby will sleep for 4+ hours at a time again, as he did for awhile–it was glorious–when he was 4-6 months old, and when that time comes I will feel more sane.  And maybe if I only make 30 paintings this year, since I’ve sold some of them already, if I make sure to stay on good terms with my galleries through good communication, it’ll be okay.

Sincere thanks to the many sweet people who have written to me!  I haven’t read through all the messages yet but I intend to ponder all your generously given advice and to use your encouraging words to help lift my spirits.

—————–

Oh, and here’s a quick web-cam shot of what’s going on today in my studio!  I’ve just started a 30″ x 30″ sunflower.  I wish sunflowers were that large in real life.

**Edited to add: Robert’s advice about the super-manic-power-hour was excellent, I’ll give him that!  Indeed it’s been the only thing that’s worked for me so far!

• General Ramblings About Art, Creativity, Philosophy , Life , Works in Progress
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Cedar Lee February 10th, 2010

Last week I realized that for the past month or so, the ability to post comments to my blog had been disabled because of a coding glitch.  That’s now fixed, so I want to take this opportunity to ask any painters or other visual artists out there to share the link to your website in the comments for this post.  I’m snowed in and I want to see your art!

Post away!

In the past week where I live near Baltimore, MD, we have had 2 major snowstorms for a total of somewhere in the neighborhood of 4-5 feet of snowfall!  (That’s on level ground, not even accounting for snowdrifts and the mountains made by the snowplows.)  It seems unlikely that I’ll ever again encounter a spectacle like this, barring a trip to Siberia, in my lifetime.

I feel privileged to experience such an extreme weather event–the fury of Mother Nature is a magnificent thing!  I’ve also never longed for springtime with more fervor.

Click here to see more pictures!

Being trapped in our house, we’ve taken the opportunity to finish the renovations to my studio.  I’m pleased to report all the painting, as well as installation of new light fixtures, outlets and switches is done, and I am ready to officially move in to my new studio!  I’ll have pictures up as soon as I get moved in!

And my latest artwork will be photographed as soon as the weather allows (read: oh, sometime in mid-April.)

• Art Studio , Information for Artists & Art Lovers , Life
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Cedar Lee August 25th, 2009

I’ve finished another Sunflower painting called “Orange Aura” (waiting for the oil paint to dry before photographing) and I’m now working on one called “Starburst Blaze!”

I’ve had a lot of appointments, social dates, obligations, errands, etc. to take care of this week.  Despite the distractions I’ve managed to get some work done on my paintings, but not as much as I would have liked.  Next week I’ll definitely be minimizing distractions.

August seems to be going by very fast!  I can’t believe the kids are going back to school already.  And even though it’s still very hot and humid where I live, there are small telling signs that fall is on its way–subtle things.  The days are just a bit shorter, there’s a difference in the quality of light and the slant of the sun in the afternoon, and a few leaves here and there are less green than they were a few weeks ago.

I love this time of year–the harvest!  My breakfast this morning: Hashbrowns made with rosemary & potatoes (first of the season!) from my garden.  Omelet with tomatoes, peppers, & basil from my garden, eggs & dill havarti cheese from my local farmers’ market.  Oh yeah!

• Life
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Cedar Lee August 3rd, 2009

I’ve had a crazy weekend and work in the studio was put on hold.

I took my 10-year-old beloved cat, Quani, to the vet on Friday because she was drooling brown and had funky breath–I figured she had a dental problem.

It turns out she has a huge growth on her tongue extending way into her throat, and either it’s a bacterial or viral infection, or it’s cancer.  We are force-feeding her antibiotics every 12 hours till her appointment next week (force-feeding medicine to a cat: not fun) in the hopes that it is just an infection and will clear up.  If it’s cancer, it can’t be surgically removed because it’s on her tongue, so there’s not much we can do.  I feel helpless.  It can be so hard when the animals you love are sick.

On top of that stress, the water heater in my basement has been having intermittent flooding issues for the past couple of months, and this weekend it finally decided to blow up completely.  It still heats water; it just also happens to pour a river into my basement whilst doing so.  Life had to stop momentarily while my husband and I shopped for a new water heater and arranged to have it installed.  Ouch!  At least we should be able to take hot showers again by tomorrow.

My good news for this week is that I visited Kenilworth Aquatic Gardens in Washington, D.C. to see the lotus flowers in full bloom.  I took a lot of beautiful pictures.

I decided my future Lotus paintings, in addition to frogs, dragonflies and other bugs, need to include turtles, bees, and possibly butterflies.

Can you see the camouflaged frog?

I hope to still meet my painting goals for this week by putting in extra studio time later in the week–so, stay tuned!

• Art Plans , Life , Pets
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Cedar Lee January 8th, 2009

Today in the art studio I’ve got several paintings in progress, all of them large-scale.

I’m working on some new paintings in my Lotus flower art series. Most of the paintings in the series have been 20″ x 20″. These are much larger, at 30″ x 30″. They are taking much more time to complete as well as much more paint!

But I’m really excited about them–on such a large scale, the beautiful jewel-tone colors–red, green, ivory and gold–will really make an impact when hung on a wall!

As you can see, the gigantic cosmic painting is slowly evolving as well. It is nowhere near complete, but I like where it’s going so far. No title for that one yet.

I’ve got paint all over my hands and arms and face. By next week I should have some finished works of art photographed.

I’m still grieving for Mr. Fullington–the loss has hit me harder than I would have expected, and it has been a very rough week. I’m sorry I’ll be missing his memorial service.

But tomorrow is my hubby’s 29th birthday and we’re having some friends over to celebrate. It’s a new year and I’m making things happen. My dogs are playful and adorable.

So I’ve got raw pain alongside unmitigated joy. The intensely vibrant colors I’ve been using seem to match my current emotional state.

• Life , Works in Progress
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Cedar Lee January 5th, 2009

I just learned that my beloved high school English teacher, Mr. Fullington, lost his battle with cancer. He died this past Saturday.

He was a hilariously funny and quirky man. He was always so goofy. This is one of the few pictures I could find of him, and you can see there that he’s joking around about something–counting his money. Just looking at it makes me smile.

Mr. Fullington was a rare kind of teacher. He cared so genuinely for his students. He made himself so available. Of course I’ve had other great teachers in my life whom I’ve loved, but Mr. Fullington was my favorite.

He was such an encouraging force in my life, and I count him as one of the few people who really had a strong impact on me during my teenage years. I know he had a similar impact on many of my classmates, and it boggles my mind to think how many students have loved him and benefited from his guidance over the many years he taught. When I was about to graduate high school and I was deciding what to do with my life, he encouraged me to try being an artist.

I kept in touch with him after I graduated from Clyde A. Erwin High School in ’99, and every time I talked to him he was always curious to hear all about my life. If I visited his classroom while he was teaching, he would excuse himself from the class and make the time to sit with me at a school desk and chat in the corner. The last time I saw him was maybe about 5-6 years ago, when I went to his house with a few other former students of his. We had dinner with his family. I wish that I had visited more often.

It was only a few weeks ago that I heard he was sick–apparently his cancer hit very hard and very quickly. I am shocked by the news. Today I had planned to blog about art, but I’m in mourning for Mr. Fullington. I grieve his loss, but I am so glad that he lived when he did and that I was lucky enough that his path in life crossed mine.

• Life
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Cedar Lee December 20th, 2008

Happy Winter Solstice!  From here, the days will only get longer and brighter as we move back towards warmth and light.

Chanukah also begins at sundown tonight.  Happy Chanukah!

And Christmas is only 4 days from now.  Merry Christmas!

I wish the happiest holiday season to you all, and I’m looking forward to spending the New Year with you.

• Life
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Cedar Lee October 27th, 2008

It has been too long since my last posting–I’ve been so busy.  For one thing, because of the large number of Jewish holidays in October, the little girl I baby-sit on occasion had a lot of days off from school in the past couple of weeks, and my services were needed more than usual.

My other part-time job, installing gallery shows at an arts center, is also giving me a lot of work.  I’m trying (with partial success) to maintain some semblance of a workout routine, I have started meditating more regularly, I’ve been taking weekly voice lessons, and I’ve been working hard on puppy training every day with little Blake.

On top of all that, I just returned home from 4 days out of town to attend the wedding of a friend.  It was a beautiful wedding, sweet and full of humor, and I’m glad I went.

But now I find myself at the end of the month already, and I wish time would slow down.

I’ve got 7 paintings in progress right now–almost all are still in the planning stages.  I’ve got to get a move on, especially since a few of them have deadlines.  I have some bulbs that urgently need to be planted before it gets too cold, and I still need to do some research on local judges and referendums before Election Day.

And Halloween is only 4 days from now–when I was little, I used to wonder why more grown-ups didn’t dress up for Halloween.  Now I know it’s not because grown-ups are no fun.  It’s because some years, they don’t have time to even think about Halloween until it sneaks up on them.  My 11-year-old cousin is dressing as the ocean goddess Yemaya this year, and I think her costume is awesome.

Despite my hectic schedule, I have managed to find the time to do some walking outdoors and appreciate the leaves on the trees turning golden, copper, bronze, and scarlet against the backdrop of a cloudy fall sky.  Seeing these beautiful things now will give me creative fuel as the nights get longer and colder.

Much of my time has been going towards the administrative side of my business–staying organized, paying bills, marketing, corresponding, etc.  I’ve got a lot of things to juggle at the moment, but never fear, fresh paintings are on the way.  Stay tuned!

• Family , Life
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Cedar Lee May 30th, 2008

Wisdom tooth extraction. Not fun. However, the extreme anxiety I felt about this beforehand ended up serving me well. Because I imagined it would be so horrible, compared to what I expected, it wasn’t too bad. (Click here for details.)

Three days later, I seem to be healing well, and I’m feeling okay. This weekend I’m going to attempt to get some light work done around the house and yard, and by Monday I expect to be back to normal, working in the studio and offering new artwork for sale! Thank you to everybody who has wished me well.

• Life
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Cedar Lee March 25th, 2008

This week I found out that my belly dance teacher is moving to Taiwan because her husband is being transferred there for work. I’ve had so much fun in her class these past several months, and I’m sad that it’s coming to an end.

In her honor, I’ve made this small painting of a beautiful dancer in costume.

Belly Dancer
Acrylic on Canvas
10″ x 8″

This painting is going to my teacher, but if you’d like me to paint a belly dancer for you, talk to me.

What I have enjoyed the most about my belly dancing class is hanging out with other women of all ages and shapes in a non-judgmental setting where we can have fun, laugh together, and celebrate our shared experience as women. Belly dance is a celebration of femininity, physical and spiritual. This may sound corny, especially to men (I don’t know what the male equivalent would be–sports? hunting? roughhousing?) but I think that the celebration of what we are is important–everyone is born into their own body and their own life. There is no way around it, so we might as well embrace it and rejoice in it.

So often (especially in our culture, I think) women are tormented by insecurity, questioning their own beauty and self-worth, trying to live up to some unattainable and vaguely defined standard. Insecurity can make women bitter, jealous and petty. It can make them spend all their money on clothes, hairstyles, cosmetics and plastic surgery. This is such a waste of our energy, when all the beauty that we need is already right there inside us, if we would just recognize it.

That’s what these next two paintings are about. They both started out as sketches for self-portraits (it’s been awhile since I’ve done one) but as I painted them, they became less and less an accurate physical likeness, but at the same time I felt they were representing me more and more. Finally I realized that it wasn’t myself I was painting, and it wasn’t any other real-life woman either.

I was painting goddesses–I don’t mean goddess in the literal sense, as a deity, but rather, the goddess that’s in every woman–the feminine spirit–that dichotomy of gentle beauty and fierce strength within the same person. Cliché? Maybe. A little corny? Maybe–but it’s rooted in truth, and this thought process has inspired some pretty successful artwork:

Ruby Goddess
16″ x 20″ Oil on Canvas

Lavender Goddess
20″ x 24″ Oil on Canvas

I got my artichoke seeds in the mail today (which had been on backorder.) I am so antsy to get out there and plant my garden, but I have to wait another couple of weeks, until the danger of frost is past.

• Life , New Works: Nature & Misc.
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